Building a Caring Community

In a caring community, we are all responsible for care of one another. If you know someone is hurting, don’t hesitate to reach out directly to them and offer a kind word, a listening ear, or a shoulder to cry on. Likewise, if something big happens in your life, reach out to someone from church or directly to Rev. Elizabeth. We want to be here for you.

Pastoral Care

Rev. Elizabeth is available to meet with congregants to provide pastoral care in times of distress, indecision, theological wondering, or just to get to know you. She writes, “it is truly my honor to accompany people through the twists and turns, joys and sorrows of life. Listening to you always opens my heart to more love and compassion. Plus, it is literally my job!”

Pastoral care relies on asking for help: please contact Rev. Elizabeth directly if you want to talk, rather than hoping she will notice you need something. Likewise, if a friend from church is ill, or going through a challenging time, please encourage them to reach out or ask “would you like me to ask Rev. Elizabeth to check in with you?”

Please send her an email, a text, or a call on her cell phone to set up a time to meet. Examples of when you should reach out:

• You are going to the hospital;*
• Someone in your family goes to the hospital;*
• You are diagnosed with a terminal illness;*
• Someone you love dies or is dying;*
• You receive a scary diagnosis;*
• You’re wondering about God, life, the Universe, and everything;
• You’re having a hard time;
• You want someone to pray with;
• You just want to talk.

If you are facing a terminal or progressive diagnosis and would welcome regular meetings, please let Rev. Elizabeth know when you set up your meeting.

Pastoral care conversations with Rev. Elizabeth are confidential, with the exception of anything indicating danger to yourself or others.

Please also note that Rev. Elizabeth is trained in pastoral care but not in in-depth pastoral counseling, or providing therapy. If you need regular, ongoing support unrelated to end-of-life issues, she will meet with you about three times and then refer you out to therapy, or to someone with training in in-depth pastoral counseling, or to spiritual direction.

*A note about “pastoral care emergencies:” please call 911 if you’re having a physical or behavioral health emergency. Please also do let Rev. Elizabeth know what has happened; she is available to visit you on an urgent timeline if you are hospitalized, if a loved one is actively dying, or in the wake of an emergency. When in doubt, do call/send a text to her or, if she’s away, to the minister covering pastoral care.

Practical Care

Contact church member Robert Amelio about practical care, such as cards, flowers, transportation, meals, provided to church members when possible. Robert can be reached at caring@firstchurchjp.org.

Financial Assistance

The Minister’s Discretionary Fund exists so that the Minister can respond to requests for financial assistance from individuals, families, and/or groups in need, both within and outside of the congregation. If you could use assistance, please contact Rev. EB and ask. The full Minister’s Discretionary Fund policy is here (pdf). To give to the Fund, either write a check to the church with “Minister’s Discretionary Fund” in the subject line, or click here to give online and select “Discretionary Fund” in the menu.

What Kind of Care Do I Need?

Sometimes people wonder “wait…is this a pastoral care issue or something else?” Pastoral care exists within a continuum, or even within a web of care, provided by people with different kinds of training.

Pastoral Care vs Therapy: To quote UU Minister Rev. Liz Weber, “Pastoral care focuses on our sense of the sacred (our connection with something greater than ourselves) and meaning-making. In a parish, it also offers a sense of care from the congregation as represented by the minister. Therapy focuses on diagnosis and treatment. Both include tending to our emotional experience and can include problem-solving or coping.”

Pastoral Care vs Friendship: Ministers love and care for the congregation, but the pastoral relationship is different than friendship. It is a caring and professional relationship. To quote renowned UU minister Rev. Dr. Mark D. Morrison-Reed: 

The relationship of minister and parishioner has the qualities of a friendship, but no matter how warm and deep, authentic and reciprocal the relationship is it is not a sustainable friendship. Why? Because it is built upon an unavoidable imbalance – the minister is always more responsible for the relationship. When necessary we must be prepared to forsake the role of friend for that of minister, and ready to choose the well being of the community over the needs of the friend. We are not as free to share all aspects of our lives and ourselves. Nor can we make friends with whom we please, for that would create two classes of parishioners — the chosen and the not.

Settled Parish Ministers participate in the social life of the congregation: Rev. Elizabeth will attend the Fellowship Dinner, the all-church picnic, and the craft fairs, unless another unavoidable pastoral need arises. She will also stop by social events that are open to the congregation, like a housewarming or birthday party where the member has invited all congregants. She may also attend a social event that’s related to her pastoral duties, such as a wedding reception of members. She will also meet you for coffee or a walk, or have dinner with a church committee or lay leader. If you are one of our elders, and/or if you are facing terminal/progressive illness, crisis, new baby, or major life transition, she may meet you at your home to talk. She will not, generally, attend private social gatherings with congregants, like dinner parties or lunches at members’ homes, to which the whole congregation or committee has not been invited.

You can read more about ministerial relationships in Rev. Dr. Morrison-Reed’s essay on leaving a congregation, an essay delivered at the UU Ministers’ Association conference in 2000.